Funny thing about writing is that sometimes it is all there all at once, but then it disappears quickly if you get busy doing other things. I like to write while listening to music, you? Music stimulates my creativity sometimes, and then other times, can be a major distractor. I haven't been on this blog for a while......but has been calling me to put mind to pen.....he he he.....I have bags under my eyes, my soul has been drawn and quartered with life out of control, but yet, staying calm all the while. I never felt so empty and lost all in one place deep inside somewhere that I can't even find. But yet, here I stand doing it again all over and over again. I have always been a muse and while doing it amusing for many friends, mostly artists with the strings, pen, and brush. Has always been so......takes a lot discipline to persist in this fate of wrist for the artist. I would always stand back and watch them take.....I took it always on fate. It's never too late I say, where there is a will there is always a way.
I have to do everything on default, but it is no fault of mine, just the times we live in. I am not even sure why I am here.....some would say your heart is always sensing and pursuing things it doesn't always understand, but yet, here I am again on this unusual but cool blog.....thought my stuff was gone, but very glad its here to remind me of a time when I really enjoyed writing. Its starting to come back to me. Emotions are deceiving, people teasing, nothing comes easy.....the way of life for a struggling artist. Everything I thought I wanted is fading into blank out there somewhere in no woman's land, without the right but the left drawing me nearer and nearer, still here the distance in the background....something out of reach but ever so close.......shutting down the mind so the heart can speak to me......my course of action is not easy to many things always spinning simultaneously around me. The eternal rose always beautiful with a bite that's unique for the rose of thorns in my side keeping me going, hurry, to my stride. I went to far and now I hide. Ever so careful not to become a bride with chains and arrows directing me to the one course there is no reverse for, but this is the way of the Grey Horizon in the misty morning of winters gone past my head, but still there one more time, waiting till I am dead. I do not not know what tomorrow will bring.....either love or dread, but still its all in my head to sail away deep inside my head, without a sail to take me to the place I adore or dread......always lost in my head.......few can see it, none want to join me there, only my bed~! ....Once base desires take me by my hand, now, I am a lost ship sailing way too far out to sea.....looking for eternity in the breeze of time that no one can stop, but yet it stops for me.........body deteriorating going down in puffs of dark smoke, wish I had something really strong to toke away in my heart or take away in haste. I had a song there but its leaving me now......so timid when I should be so full of pride......lessons from the past, present, and forbidding future are sure to creep up on to me, hopeless, endlessly, the music pours out of my head....finally got to down load them........music should follow us no matter where we go, it helps keep a balance in our ordinary lives instead. Emotions fuel the plane, while webs of deceit take us down into a place where we always are forced to take a stand, even with no man. Life is a 101 rescue mission always moving from jive to another dive somewhere always looking for ourselves inside the cities, towns, and cold stares that are always ready for us everywhere, including those looking back at us in the mirror. The mirror can be your friend or enemy, but no matter its only a small part of who we are.....cause the rest is deeply planted inside the soul and heart.......and hopefully in the mind of time, experience, and perceptions of everything around us. Creativity should not take too much thought, yet it can be the hardest part just letting it go.......confusion and pain are always to blame like that of a sick man's flame.
I just wanted to continue on before I forget how to keep moving in a direction that seems to pull me along for the ride. There are no rules for this, just motivation, innovation, and cynicism I still take in stride.....waking up and going back to bed are not easy......its a process and like all processes it will change you.....sometimes it will make you sad and other times, its not too bad.....like a high wave taking you through all the twists, turns, and churns of its deep blu secrets, no two are a like in anyway.......the churn, burn, and crash to the shore......surfers know this all to well......they are the wave divers and drivers of the sea, and that's just so fascinating for me.......such bravery!!!! I love the sea and all its mysteries are for those who can see beyond the great blu ride on top of the very throne of the waves ride. I will close here......just bit of a change, not too much just enough to take my mind in a direction its been seeking......for its opening up to the true mystery......to blind, dumbed down to the real truth......can't forget.........forgetting was not an option to do.........Love is the only thing they taught me.....the rest is foreign and doesn't feel like a place to call home......hoping this phase passes quickly.........Sammi :)