Why am I such a romantic at heart? In a world, whose heartz's are all frozen with fear!! My goal to marry my husband, funny I say this, I already feel married to him, only thing missing is him........I would live in a tree house with him, a makeshift hippy bus, or just a smaller manufactured home we put together our selves and live off of the land with it!! I don't want a conventional life, I want a life that is super great, not because of what we have, own, or make but because we are both in this life together, forever!! Have u ever met someone and just felt complete with them but yet never really met them in the traditional sense, yet you know their out there and they feel same, but for whatever reason they just have not taken the plunge to get over what eve it is their waiting for, maybe they fear rejection, but I already love him, so it would take a lot to reject such a man, even with all of those changing faces like a clown, he is a funny guy this way.........I know he will come out when he's good and ready but by delaying it I feel he's making it harder, but I guess there is something that can be said of time and when the time is ready. I know he has a lot on his plate, so I am patient, but he has hinted at issues like trust, lying, laziness, and other unfounded things because until you walk into the person's story you only get small fragments, glimpses, and a feeling that may not be fully correct, as we live in a judgemental world..........one that draws very quick conclusions...........I think we both have a good sense of humor because if we didn't we would not be together still??
I always forgive him actually very easy more than anyone else I have ever met, and yet I have made love to him so many times with my real senses, and its been wonderful and deep and meaningful each time, sometimes, I cum very quickly.........in my dreams............smiles I think if u have half of an imagination you can actually guess the reality of it..........I am usually careful with my words on here, but I think I might be able to get away with that one......hmmmm?? Also, the love making with him is unique, different, and like making love to myself full of warmth, colors, and total freedom of expression, he's not too shy, me I am more reserved but he likes it because he likes to tease my senses and drive me wild...........O can I say that too hehehe!! Anyway, an astrologer (Linda Goodman) once said that people that make love without being in love, the body then becomes sick, but those who love and do not make love, actually experience their bodies becoming sick, I am at that stage...........but I have not had any type of actually sex with another for over 4 yrs believe it or not? Its a choice, especially with the diseases out there; but I can't speak for him, he might be gettin it off and on, I am not sure........only time will tell..........I guess I really do not want to know...........I am hoping he does not want a sample of the goods before he marries me because although I am not sure I could really resist him, I would hope he had enough respect for me to not push it, and also, he needs to know I am forever his or forever gone...........that might be where I am a liar, I have been hanging on now for a year does that make me a liar?? Probably, I am not sure why I am still hanging on, but here I am like a good and faithful servant............Jesus says we are all here just serving one another on some level anyway......He can be very judgemental again, what does he expect with this type of arrangement, not too many others will wait or even care, most will be interested in the show, so I don't care, but I do believe he is having trouble making up his mind, not sure why, but I guess I have not been too easy either, refusing chats with others cause he's so shy and then trying to believe its all because of him, gosh I was so gullible..............we do crazy things for love......Now, just holding my sacred ground, I have woken into my metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly...........lost my ability to spell words since I met him.......not sure y maybe a spell or something........thank God for spell checker, grinning............I thought I wanted the world, now, I just want a treehouse with early morning kisses, a cuddle by the fire, and an evening walk through the forest or beach hand n hand and acting silly, like two teens that didn't realize they have gotten older, life sucks that way............but rest assure I will never grow up.....I am more immature than my 13 year old who is spooky smart!! Now, my priorities are changing quickly because I am tired of this man pushing away and running towards me another day.........He is scared but love will do that to you, I bet I am too!! Anyone reading this can you say a prayer that we will meet up and that the only thing we need to fear now is time...........I really fell for him when I saw him touching his kids I believe or friends not sure which, but he is letting me see who he is slowly but surely...........real slow, so maybe this butterfly does not want to be caught either...........but tick tock time waits for no man !!